I am 10 weeks today. So how is it going? I have been so nauseous , I really didn't expect it to be as bad as it has been. My cravings have kind of gone crazy too. Those early days of wanting as much red meat as I could cram into my face have long since passed and I am very definitely off red meat, in fact I seem to be off meat altogether. I am enjoying cheese and crackers, and apples, oh and ice cream - but meat just isn't doing it for me.
The neurosis is driving me crazy, and I wonder if it is just anxiety because of the miscarriage in 2005 and my guilt associated with that and with 1995. Every twinge, every ache in my belly sends me running to the bathroom expecting bleeding, followed by this overwhelming relief when there is no bleeding. I then start berating myself very quietly for being stupid and worrying unnecessarily. So it is something of a vicious cycle. I don't want to be the expectant mom who calls the clinic every 5 minutes fussing and fretting. I guess I just never expected to be this scared.
Today has been particularly bad. I woke up as usual to pee, and expected my boobs to be totally sore as they usually are when I get up in the middle of the night. Unfortunately the stabbing pain in my eye distracted from the boobs. I squinted in the bathroom mirror (without my glasses) and could see quite easily that the left eye was red and puffy. Crap. My first thought was I had somehow managed to scratch my eye in my sleep...I went back to bed and tried to ignore it but it just kept waking me up. When Robert (in the throes of end of semester anxiety) got up at 4 I asked his opinion so then it was quick shower, in the car and off to the ED with a swollen, injected sticky eye. I leave almost 2 hours later somewhat reassured that I have no corneal abrasion, no HSV in my eye just an old fashioned case of conjunctivitis.
I called the 4-BABY line just to let them know, then spent the rest of the day getting more anxious (the anxious hubby did not help...a word of advice think before you speak in early pregnancy as the hormone insanity may make you tell your husband to just leave you alone and if he is anxious he will think that you want him to leave forever - man that took some sorting out...)and I have finally emailed the delightful Dr. Quaas pretty much begging for a 10 week ultrasound just to reassure me that everything is fine. We'll see.
I thought I was actually prepared for this part (I have devoured the Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy eschewing What to Expect....) and I have decided that there is no way to prepare for this level of hormone induced insanity. Think PMS, then take those feelings and multiply them by about 100. You will hate everyone, your husband, the ass who parked his Navigator at exactly the right spot on the street to make getting your car off the driveway almost impossible, the lady in the grocery store who will not put down her cell phone to speed up the process of bagging her groceries, just about everyone except for the dogs and cats who remain quite lovely at this point.
