So, after my hospital stay, but before the lap chole I see Dr. Styer. We talk about plans - we will see him again in December and make plans. In the interim with my November cycle I get to have my hyterosalpingogam - oh lovely - stirrups, tubes, speculums and dye! But we kinda have a plan in place and Robert is really on board - the news about his fantastic sperm really helped.
I also have to make a shout out to Sarah, Tony and baby Harper as well as our wonderful neighbors with the seriously cute Diane (2) and Billy (3 mos) - as they all infected him with a baby bug, so I actually finally feel as if we are on the way.
I am thinking the plans will be IUI and if that doesn't work then IVF. So what to do? You know the thing is now there is an end in sight and a hope of a baby I am getting pretty zen about all of this. I bought a book and if anyone actually reads this and are going through or about to go through all of this BUY THIS BOOK!
"A FEW GOOD EGGS - TWO CHICKS DISH ON OVERCOMING THE INSANITY OF INFERTILITY" BY JULIE VARGO AND MAUREEN REGAN
See, the thing is I had originally turned to the Internet and got all freaked out because I read medical journals, papers and even textbooks. I stopped being human and let my utterly clinical brain cope and think for the rest of me. So standing in Borders by State St, I finally allowed myself to browse the pregnancy section and there hidden (as it always seems to be) in plain sight was this little biddy section on infertility. Some of the books seemed like they would get a bit "well you didn't or did do ABC, therefore..." or "eat this, that and the other and..."but in the midst of this I find this book. I bought it.
I ignored it for a month.
Today I finally picked it up, put it in my work bag, ignored on the way to work, but coming home I plucked it out and started to read.
I ignored Part 1, and moved straight to "Finally....unprotected sex" and it is a hoot. I am finally laughing. I am finally realizing that being a nurse doesn't mean I know a thing about reproduction or my own body for that matter. Given that I briefly taught sex ed I am kind of embarrassed at my lack of knowledge. Seriously I have learned things I never expected to know. Who knew the importance of cervical mucous - that stuff I always thought of as "vaginal discharge." Who knew how much your temperature could vary or how inconclusive ovulation predictor tests can be - seems a thermometer and playing with the aforementioned mucous is much more reliable. But apart from the embarrassment at my shocking lack of knowledge I am now calm and so much more relaxed about all of this.
Why this sudden calmness? I don't know. It could be that we have been kinda bunny like recently and I think (without a thermometer or mucous checks) I may have ovulated at some point during this past week of fun and "shenanigans." So - why am I not obsessively doing date checks like I have every other month this year? I know that there are other options so if we don't do this on our own we have help just down the street. So I can finally relax and just enjoy it and not think all of those thoughts like "Will this be the month" ; "Surely this month is the one" ; "Why isn't this month the one?"; "What did I do wrong that this isn't the month?" I truly thank Julie and Maureen for this. I even have the confidence to share parts of the book and what I am learning with Robert. WOW.
I have allowed myself just one day of serious weepies when I saw on my sister-in-law's Facebook page that the baby had kicked for the first time and all her mommy friends were so excited - and as happy as I was I couldn't be excited, just jealous that I wasn't feeling that. It only lasted a day though and now I am so excited and happy for them both and I am totally looking forward to being an aunt to my baby nephew in February.
