It was supposed to be a busy morning and then I would slope off to the Benson Henry Institute for Mind-Body Medicine at lunch time. Not to be. I left all kinds of frustrated as my pals at a certain drug company would not give me a waiver - puhleeze - Labor Day really is not my fault! Then I get lost - aka the pedestrian GPS tends to throw in that extra quarter mile - I like to think my phone is being proactive in helping me lose weight (10 pounds btw if you happen to keep track of such minutiae).
So I finally make it and have to face something stupid like 30 pages of questions - okay it wasn't really that many but my pager kept going off and I had to deal with so many attending MD egos - all of this when I am trying to get set up in a program that teaches relaxation and awareness and stress reduction so I can achieve the ultimate goal. And seriously I do love my BMT docs and today I do especially love patient CLC - but you were all not my ultimate goal today. My ultimate geoal was get into this program and learn lots of mind-body stuff so I can have a baby.
But what is BHI like? Interesting. The attending was about 12 - seriously either that or I am seriously old. He did a brief physical that did not involve stirrups so Dr. Mehta is my current favorite physician, although when I did lay down I looked for some place to put my feet so my legs were akimbo! Not that kind of office...they are more concerned with how my mind effects my body.
A recap - I work 40-50 hours a week in the office, maybe another 10-15 at home ( I am paid for 40). I worry when I leave, I am dictated to by my email and my pager - I am drowning but I keep finding more projects that absolutely must be done and done perfectly. Add this to 13 years of night shift, and tendency to be a perfectionist and obsessive and OMG I am pretty screwed up. There was a question about time for yourself - I thought about my bubble baths but they are generally shared with a cat or dog so I am not alone.
Oh, and I reinforced my hatred for tabloids and especially Angelina Jolie - although Miss Abstinence Only Education Bristol Palin is up there. So tabloids except for UK Heat are banned, In about 3 months (after Di and and Nate visit) I have to quit drinking (except for hols) until I am knocked up which means until I am knocked up, delivered and done with breast feeding (if the BF Nazi's do get to me - I am planning to strategically avoid them....it will be like playing Age of Empires...)
Part of the program is meditation - so I guess I get to back to obsessing about stains on things while I find the place to focus on. There is yoga which is always good and then there is nutrition - oh bugger - is someone going to please stop by my office at noon each day and remind me that I need to eat, and also remind me the PB on toast is not a good dinner?
The down side to this whole mind and body thing is the group thing - I so haaaatttteeee being in a group. I hope the others are as proactive as me and not too maudlin about their infertility when I am finally at that "Oh let's just deal with it" point.....As for hubster joining in - i think I can persuade him into the whole day yoga for couples retreat (I bought the Wii, am allowing the Wii Fit, have to go through a billion invasive procedures) so it is the least he can do - especially when his sperms swim just fine. BASTARD. Why don't we release more eggs and why do we have a sell by date? So not fair!
But enough - sorry chaps that became an emotional rant. I am seriously hopeful about the Mind-Body Institute - after all the research is there to back this up: relaxation, rest, meditation, nutrition and yoga....so I guess "Fertility Schmertiliy" updates will be Monday or Tueday nights (after each meeting)- although I must point out I am getting a DVR for this so I don't miss Heroes!!! I am still allowed a bit of that Jo selfishness and shallowness....also being that bit cynically selfish does help me cope when "What to do When you are Expecting" sings like a siren song from my desk drawer from one of those months when I got all excited.
And in closing - Sarah Palin did not teach her child appropriate sex ed and given that both she and her hubby hunt I imagine there is a rifle point directly at poor Levi's head. And if she is anti-choice which she chooses to prove by having her child with trisomy 21 then show him off, make him a part of all of this - don't just come onstage with your youngest daughter carrying him. Show us that you mean to care for this special and wonderful baby should you (and the thought does terrify me on so many levels) become our next VP. As for comparisons - 17 year old knocked up daughter, Downs baby - sorry does not compete with the tragedy that Joe Biden faced. Oh and Sarah lose the Tina Fey look- liberals and I assure Tina are a tad miffed....Oh and your first job taking care of 8000 people: over 30,000 work at MGH, there is a condo complex in Manhattan with it's own zip code - oh and you only had your passport for a year - well ain't you just the sweetest darn thing ever. Bless - those damn Aleutian Islands can be so tricky. Oh please. Ladies do not vote for McCain just because of "Miss Sarah" vote for people with real ideas and real ideals and real morals. Go with Obama and Biden. Please....pretty please.....
